Only Israel Should Have Nuclear Weapons

No, it is not my statement. It is a headline of a short post by Craig Murray and, at the same time it is what is called irony in Queen's English. Or is it sarcasm? What do I know, I am a lowly Elders' Hasbarah grunt and cannot judge a man who, at the masthead of his blog displays a list of honorifics that could easily sink the Mayflower:

Craig Murray is a human rights activist, writer, and former British Ambassador, Rector of the University of Dundee and an Honorary Research Fellow at the University of Lancaster School of Law.

(Where does that passion for honorifics come from in some human rights activists, by the way? Someone has to do a research on the subject, methinks.)

Anyway, Craig Murray is the same guy who once raised a quite commendable hell about a fat Uzbek oligarch Alisher (Jabba) Usmanov. And whose Wiki entry reads like raw material for about ten new Le Carres. With some Asian erotic elements thrown in, which Le Carre usually shuns - more is the pity. But I digress.

The irony of that headline is that, if I dig the text, Mr Murray thinks that... wait a second, I really don't understand what he thinks, it's so full of that irony (sarcasm?). So let's go for the good old-fashioned fisking.

A friend of mine in MI6 told me earlier this year that for the first time, the Israeli nuclear arsenal is now bigger than the British nuclear arsenal.

Hmm... Is it a part of MI6 mandate to brief their friends on the comparative strength of the British nuclear arsenal? Even friends so adventurous as Mr Murray? But let's go forward:

Plainly that is of no concern to Gordon Brown, because while he exhibited righteous indignation today at Iran's attempts to acquire a nuclear weapon, Israel's large and expanding nuclear arsenal was not mentioned at all.

I guess in this passage the author hints (unless that irony is used again...) that Gordon Brown is wrong about Iran. Or is it that he is wrong about Israel? Probably about both, but I could be reaching. Now to some numbers:

The potential to make a bomb in a few years should bring sanctions; the possession of an illegal arsenal of 162 warheads (in February - probably 165 by now) should not even rate a mention.

Well, here I can correct a mistake and at the same time be of help to MI6: this friend of Mr Murray was overtrained in reading the Hebrew texts from right to left. He forgot that in Hebrew texts the numbers should still be read from left to right. So it is 261 warheads and not 162. Besides, that number is only correct where the (fake) nuclear warheads that we allow the resident MI6 agents to count, are considered. Otherwise, the number is much, much higher. You may want to pay attention to what Tony, one of Mr Murray admirers, says in the comments:

Apparently Europe is already on the front line, because a large proportion of Israel's nuclear weapons are targetted at European cities, and everyone realises how crazy they are - which explains the extent of their influence.

I guess, this Tony character is the same MI6 man what enlightened Mr Murray about the numbers. Because after that smashing discovery above, he feverishly tried to cover his behind:

The above may of course not be true, but I did read it somewhere a few months ago. I can't remember where - but it did explain a few things with regards to Israel's behaviour and the lack of condemnation and sanctions for a regime operating both Apartheid and Genocide policies.

No need to apologize, Tone - the bird is already out. True or not true - who cares? And re the following:

As strange as it may seem, I actually wanted to spend some time in a Kibbutz in my youth and know someone who did.

No Worries, Tone: we'll arrange for you some quality Time on one of the best Kibbutzes. You shall never forget the Place, I promise. But I digress again. By now we all understand that to keep our nukes targeting Europe (and it doesn't end with Europe, I can assure you), we need to count the nukes by thousands. After all, you cannot target one city while neglecting another, it may cause envy and bad blood between the two. Of course, there are mind rays and other ways and means, but it's impossible to fully replace a good ole nuke, isn't it? Back to Mr Murray:

New Labour have of course been providing heavy water and nuclear components to Israel, with a false paper trail through Norway.

That's Old Labor, I suggest. The New Labor is too new to be of any assistance, not that we've asked them for any. Open your history books, Mr Murray. As for the paper trail through Norway: where do you think Norway got all that oil (Our patented drill-under-Saudis technology should be your guess)?

I am very pleased that Brown has put the UK's nuclear weapons into disarmament talks and has endorsed the goal of eliminating nuclear weapons.

We are all very pleased. This move will eventually reduce the taxes in United Kingdom and, as a result, shopping in London may become attractive again. Like it was once. Besides, I could never figure out why New Labor needs these nukes anyway. It seems to me that the last raid by Normans - or was it Vikings? - was a lot of time ago, and Brits could relax by now. Unless Visigoths have some secret plans of spreading northwest. In any case, neither London nor even Dover were recently rocketed by a neighbor with an old grievance, and I don't recall someone promising to wipe UK of the maps...

But who knows, maybe Brown should keep a few, them French folks still have a shitload of nukes. It may so happen one of these days that Sarko will get pissed off by some inferior wine served at dinner in Buckingham Palace or summat, and he has a temper on him, one can't disregard it. Brits shouldn't count on the famous US nuclear umbrella anymore, now that the new guy in the White House is more into engaging with all sorts, instead of wiping out all sorts, if you see what I mean.

Otherwise, I have another idea for PM Brown, about the way of saving a quid or two, seeing as he is looking for new ways to cut the budget. I would say, all these MI6 guys who kibitz into other people's nuke factories, which, as it is officially known, don't even exist - why doesn't he call them back home and find them some other, more profitable occupation? Judging by their obvious inability to count these nonexistent nukes, they, most probably, spend their time fixing their expense accounts and raising all manner of hell in Tel Aviv.

Yes, now back to the headline. Only Israel Should Have Nuclear Weapons, our ironic Mr Murray says. What can I say - take out the irony, and who knows? It's a good idea.

Hat tip: Andrew Ian Dodge.