Exclusive: It is not Azerbaijan where the attack on Iranian nukes will be launched from

Remember: you read it first time here and must be grateful to the Elders for the scoop of the century.

After a prolonged period of FUD: Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt, the ruling Iranian Ayatollahs came to a final decision. According to this decision, which is, as mentioned, final, IAF - the Israeli Air Force - received the landing permits at several IAF - Iranian Air Force - bases. In addition, IAF planes will enjoy refueling, repair and other logistics support, including detailed maps, weather reports and everything else that may expedite bombing the heck out of Iranian nuclear installations*.

"We cannot take it anymore," reportedly said one of the senior Ayatollahs. "The endless reports about new plans of attack on our nukes that continue to inundate the capitalist media are driving us bonkers. Our generals are totally exhausted, endlessly relocating the air defense units after each such report. Our radar operators are going blind with tension, reporting incoming Zionist jets every few minutes."

"I am unable to open my favorite bookmarks in the morning, without reading about another detailed plan of attack on our nuclear sites and spoiling my breakfast. For so many years I have been a subscriber to Washington Post (ImamXII@aol.com), to New York Times (MahmoudTheAnonymous.President@hotmail.com), to New Yorker (IslamicCatLover@yahoo.com), and now my fingers tremble each time I touch the keyboard..." confessed Mahmoud (The Mad) Ahmadinejad.

Our agent in place, however, reports that the last straw that caused the drastic decision was the disconnection from the banking network SWIFT. This act prevents the Ayatollahs from downloading the last versions of Angry Birds, causing a great deal of teeth gnashing and despair in the circles of the Iranian ruling elite.

Representatives of the Israeli military are at present on a secret location near Tehran, finalizing the last details of the operation with their Iranian colleagues. The Iranian plans for elimination of the accursed Zionist Entity, according to the rumors, are put on hold until the successful end of the current project.

Provision of air cover to IAF planes by IAF planes in case of USAF interference with the bombing operation is discussed as a possible extra.

(*) Protected bunkers for the press, with camera crew enclosures, are being prepared and transportation arrangements will be forwarded to the press prior to the event.