British Department of Health - we'll get the darn smokers!

After the initially deployed soft measures, like throwing the smokers out on the streets to suffer the elements, subjecting the smokers to insulting ads, shaming them, libeling them by the secondary smoke canard, British DoH found the ultimate weapon:

Graphic pictures of throat cancer and rotting teeth are to appear on cigarette packets from next month to illustrate the health risks of smoking, the Department of Health (DoH) has announced. Among the other images smokers will see are rotting lungs, a corpse in a morgue and a body cut open during surgery.

The decision was preceded by a six months long clinical trial on 100 smoking and 100 non-smoking volunteers (as a control group). Out of the 100 smokers:

• 28 died of heart seizure after being shown some of the pictures
• 14 choked on their cigarettes (in 7 cases Heimlich maneuver succeeded)
• 5 female volunteers had a a miscarriage
• 19 were transferred to an ICU with brain hemorrhage
• 9 entered a prolonged catatonic state

The rest (25) asked that the tobacco rations of their fallen comrades be transferred to them.

Similar results were recorded for the control group, although it must be mentioned that only 7 volunteers from this group started smoking or displayed initial interest in the theory and practice of this hobby.

DoH is proud to present the new method that has shown at least 5 times better results than other so far used ways to quit smoking.

"It is cheap, on top of everything else", happily declared a senior employee of DoH, "after all we are just ripping off the pictures from rotten dot com...".

Enforced viewing of snuff movies is being considered by DoH now to break the intransigence of the remaining 25% of the smokers.

Update: CNN gives out (free!) some examples of the coming thing.