27 November 2014

What, no more chocolate? No worries, here comes the savior!

An ode to chocolate in three parts.

Part 1: Doom.

Most of you, I believe (if you are as addicted to this brown substance as I am) were shocked recently to learn that your time of happiness is coming to a premature end.
The humble candy bar could soon change beyond recognition as palm oil, chemical flavorings and fillers replace increasingly scarce cocoa beans and expensive ingredients.
And that means real chocolates will become a luxury item -- for the wealthy only.
Etc... The sheer horror of seeing headlines like this:

Not that I am overly concerned about events removed 20 years from right now, but still, what about my grandchildren? No matter, a solution to this catastrophic future was found - 20 years before the time, I have to stress!

Part 2: Salvation.

Christian Poincheval poses with one of his bodily gas-altering pills.
A French inventor says pills he developed to make bodily gases smell like chocolate were inspired by a particularly flatulent meal with friends.

Poincheval developed the chocolate scent specially for Christmas.

The website selling the products bills the pills as "The Father Christmas fart pill that gives your farts the scent of chocolate."
So, there is really no more need to possess real chocolate. You may fill your plate with tofu, take a pill or two and - voila! The problem is blown away.

Part 3: Verification.

Oh yes, and to the doomsayers: before you raise all kinds of hell and run around in panic like headless chicken, do what I am doing: check the story first. There are some good people, like these nice folks of Snopes, that do it for you, if you are too lazy.
On 15 November 2014, the Washington Post published an article that caused widespread lamentation on social media. According to that publication, a worldwide chocolate shortage could be part of a dystopian future as soon as the year 2020.
Ultimately, it's true that demand for chocolate is currently outstripping supply, resulting in a market deficit. Growing conditions and climate fluctuations could affect future cocoa crop yields in Africa, and may even affect chocolate prices in coming years.

However, the "chocolate shortage" predicted by 2020 seems to be a bit overhyped, as it's quite likely chocolate will still be widely available for purchase even if current market conditions continue or intensify. Furthermore, many of the chocolate industry executives who have commented on the potential for chocolate shortages did so years ago; and they spoke more to increased costs and demand than an actual extinction of cocoa.
So there, you can straighten out your undies and stop buying chocolate like there is no tomorrow. And, if you insist on your unreasonable behavior, here comes an energetic French response: