01 January 2013

John Kerry as Jewish Ivan the Terrible

The information about the royal blood in Kerry's veins is not new, it was unearthed in 2004. Here comes the Russian Kommersant:

John Kerry has the noblest blood of all the American presidents. His ancestors include Czar Ivan the Terrible as well as Princes Dolgoruky and Obolensky.
They were too hasty in Kommersant, crowning Kerry at the time.

They also overlooked another, a more sinister connection:
Benedikt Kohn, the great-grandfather of Senator John Kerry, was born about 1824 in southern Moravia. Benedikt was successful as a master brewer of beer.
So, what do we have here? A descendant of one of the more choleric kings since Herod's times, carrying some Jewish blood (albeit filtered somewhat by being converted to Roman Catholicism).

Must know his beer, too.

Anyway, to dispel any doubts about the royal lineage, here is what modern forensic  science came up with:

 Compare with the ancestor:


I consider the issue resolved. Don't you?

12 comments:

Shaun Downey said...

Well John = Ivan and check a it and you'll find his family changed their name from Grozny to Kerry to make everyone think they were from Ireland

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Nah, no need, he is a copy of that ancestor in any case ;-)

KatieNorcross said...

And would have been dirt poor if he hadn't married a billionaire.

Dick Stanley said...

I prefer his nickname Lurch. It's much more appropriate. Speaking of dictators, amazing what you can find on Flickr. Ta-da! Stalin's bathroom: http://www.flickr.com/photos/serainica/6270045043/in/photostream/lightbox/

Dick Stanley said...

And now he's the Catsup King.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Now why couldn't I find me one of those? Ehehe...

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Hm... pretty simple. No gold, diamonds etc...

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Good job, too. So why does he need the State Department?

Dick Stanley said...

I can see, though, why he was a mass murderer, having to reach behind himself to get to the toilet paper in its receptacle on the wall. Good way to twist your arm out of joint. Although having his initial S all over the place might have soothed him.

Dick Stanley said...

Why to impose his views on mankind, of course. There's a limit to what you can print on a catsup bottle's label. Wonder how many ambassadors will die on Lurch's watch.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I am sure he had people to attend to that part of the procedure, thus to spare him the hazards ;-)

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yeah... a pretty apathetic guy, as he looks to me, at least.