11 February 2015

American POWs in the streets of Donetsk

Local militia paraded in the streets of Donetsk the captured American soldiers, who were taking part in the punitive actions against civilians. Capture of aliens from the NATO Legion fighting in Donbass occurs more frequently in recent years, because the members of the Banderite militia were mostly killed.

Locals angrily spat after the Americans and complained to journalists about Obama.

"Americans drank all dill water* I prepared for my child, and now he is tortured by gases. Obama is jealous of Russia, so he is killing us for our Russian language!" - Complains mother of eight children Marina Fedotova.

"I myself saw a US helicopter that used nets to catch children playing on the football field. Poroshenko doesn't pay me a pension, Obama ordered him not to!" - Cried Zoya Valentinovna, a pensioner.

"I was hiding in the barn from the NATO Legion, then I heard American and Polish languages. They broke into the barn and raped my Manya. One of them held the tail, the other raped. The cow cried during this, her tears rolled down. At night I shod the cow in my valenki** so that she would tread quietly, to save me from the rapists, and galloped away to the militia. Obama is to blame for all this!" - Recalls with horror a former victim of Nato blockade, 96 years old Zinaida Petrovna.

Militia vowed to take its revenge upon the NATO legion, not only for civilians and cattle, but also for Gaddafi and Saddam Hussein. If all American soldiers are imprisoned, it will be possible to build a new Russian world in America without a fight and to save the blacks, humiliated by the capitalists, from their juvenile justice system.

(*) Dill water is considered to be a powerful de-gassing measure.

(**) Felt winter boots


Afterword: yes, of course, it is a spoof. What did you think?


Dick Stanley said...

Give it time. Someday, probably in ISIS-land, it won't be a joke.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Might happen, sure. Hopefully not.

Anonymous said...

"What did you think?"

Readers aligned with the respective superpowers are thinking of a way to portray themselves through rose-colored glasses.

They believe that their own, tacky stereotypes, which they strongly resemble, are a Jewish plot to demoralize them.


Duke of URL said...

Actually, I thought it was a straight copy from Pravda - it's identical to a lot of *stuff* I read there.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yep, it is quite a good parody of Pravda indeed. You hit the right spot.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

This is true, and thanks for the point about the Caddyshack(s). I vaguely remember the movie (the first one), but at the time I could hardly get its meaning.

Dick Stanley said...

Could be any day now with those 300 plus Marines holed up in that air base in Anbar. That's a lot of Marines but ISIS apparently has a lot of troops.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I do hope for a wake-up call, but not in the form of dead marines. Let's pray they will not be harmed by blurred vision of the high and mighty.