08 October 2011

Plastic bags for bathrooms

This news is only a harbinger of the new austerity measure to come:

The Dutch national railway has an unusual solution for passengers who need the bathroom on a train line designed without them: plastic bags.
The bags have a cup-shaped plastic top and contain a highly absorbent material that turns urine into a gel-like mixture. After use the bags can be sealed and thrown in the trash.
Seeing as how the modern airlines feverishly search for savings, I can easily predict the outcome. Here is a quote from the new booklet being prepared as we speak:
Dear passengers,

The ... airline is proud to have you aboard and offers you ... [the usual list of various perks you used to get free in the bygone days but now have to pay for].
And a new initiative that is intended to streamline our impressive array of cabin services: the Pee-While-You-Fly kit. The kit allows you to take care of your #1 need without leaving your comfortable seat and without disturbing your neighbors.

The kit contains four main items:
  • The opaque plastic cover (3) that will allow you the necessary privacy for carrying out the task. As you shall see, the cover is adorned by colorful eye-pleasing patterns.
  • The plastic bag (1) with a hermetic screw-on stopper.
  • The additional device (6) for use by female passengers (see page 5 of this booklet).
  • The Macy's shopping bad (11) that will help you to carry your used Pee-While-You-Fly kits with you after leaving the plane, without drawing unwanted attention.
The airline offers the kit practically at cost, the price is $3.99 or 2,500 miles*. Please call any cabin attendant to purchase.

You may notice that your cabin is not equipped by the usual bathroom booths, which measure made it possible to improve the quality of the air you are breathing while on board and, in addition, allowed our airline to install a considerable number of additional seats.

However, for passengers that for some reason require additional privacy while using our revolutionary Pee-While-You-Fly kit, we are proud to offer a Passenger's Retreat Corner of the kitchenette, separated from the rest of the plane by a soundproofed curtain. The (really moderate) price is $2.99 for every 3 minutes of use or part thereof.

In case of rupture or leakage of the bag please call for a cabin crew member and keep calm.

(*) The kit is, of course, yours to use after the purchase, and you are welcome to empty and rinse it at home. You are also welcome to use it in your subsequent flight, however other airlines may require that you use only the kits purchased from them.

[3 pages of colorful and helpful instructions follow.]
The "Additional accessories page" is, unfortunately, not ready yet, so we can offer only a glimpse at one unfinished sentence:
Since our flight is only 9 hours long and the new FAA regulations allow flights of less then 10 hours duration to be #2-free, we also offer (for only $1.99) a screw-in plug to...


Dick Stanley said...

Aha! Now we see why they're called yur-a-peeins.

SnoopyTheGoon said...


Pisa said...

How about pret-a-porter?

"Is that a Pee-Anywhere kit or are you happy to see me?"

SnoopyTheGoon said...

It will get to Paris, no questions. Cartier, Yves Saint Laurent and many others are standing on the porch waiting to be invited to the party.

David All said...

Don't laugh, this will be probably the next thing the airlines to do in their campaign to make flying more inhumane. After they introduce the pee while you fly kit, the next step will be to eliminate seats and manackle passengers to the floor from take-off to landing!   

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Who is laughing? I never laugh at flying ;)