23 April 2010

On peculiarities of Yeti development in subtropical zone

This article is not a review of the article The Wookies invade Gaza by our learned colleague Elder. Its purpose is a) to dispel the myth about Wookiees and to b) refer to some locality-related peculiarities in development of the male Yetis.

1. Wookiees or Yetis?

Due to some confusion in modern alien biology, the term Wookiee, coined by some sensation-seeking Hollywood characters, was mistakenly applied to an allegedly alien species which, upon closer look are nothing more than a variety of reptilians. Reptilians, sometimes mistakenly called lizardoids, 6-foot lizards, etc, are the Elders' field operatives. The more prominent among them that could be mentioned are David Duke, David Icke and many others of that type (already outdated, obsolete and thus no more maintained, as it is easy to detect when you watch them). Most of the reptilians are used in menial tasks, such as heavy lifting, elimination of opposition (rare these days of world domination) and debts collection. The idea to use them as a quasi-intellectual anti-Semitic leaders of the dumb and the disaffected didn't work out due to insufficient brain power.

Reptilians are excellent shape shifters, and it will be naive to expect them to look like a 6-foot lizard. Most frequently they use the "furry giant" image that is a) practical; b) sufficiently frightening while cuddly and c) accidentally similar to Yeti.

2. Yetis in Gaza

Yetis, a hardy lot that was for thousands of years confined to remote inaccessible mountain ranges and, in rare cases, to deep forest corners (where they are known as Bigfoot or Sasquatch), have been noticed and used first by late Shah of Iran, who received several of them from the friendly King of Bhutan. His use of Yetis was limited to personal amusement and, sometimes, for interrogation of various suspects.

With advent of Islamic Republic of Iran, Shah's Yetis were converted to Islam and became zealous defenders of Islamic Republic, always in the front lines of the good fight. In the post linked above you can see the dark-colored fur of the Iranian Yetis.

Being the widely recognized patron of Hamas, Iranian Ayatollahs decided to ship a large consignment of Yetis to Gaza, where, after a generation or two, the coloration of their fur changed to the more suitable light brown (or beige, whatever SWMBO decides, I haven't consulted her yet).

Of course, the disadvantage of this coloration is its closeness to that of the Canaan dog, widespread in the area. Knowing the traditional aversion of Islam to canines of all kind, the danger of being shot in poorly lighted corners is definitely a factor to be considered by the Yetis.

Another drawback of the local variety of Yetis is that, being used to the cool and dry weather of the mountains, they are suffering the Gazan hot and humid environment not only physically but also mentally, which is evident to anyone viewing the above picture. Marching with guns in a straight column is a clear sign of poor judgment and an invitation to anyone with a large caliber weapon to check how many Yetis he/she could eliminate in one shot.

3. Yetis vs reptilians

There is no precedent yet of a direct confrontation between the two species. But the numbers so far are not in favor of Yetis, who are breeding very slowly and, besides, are less versatile regarding the areas of habitat, feeding and choice of weaponry, not to speak of reptilians' ability to change their external shape according to the situation in the field.

On a somewhat related subject: in the late Soviet Union there were attempts to cross-breed the two species. Most of the results are still unpublished, but one, at least, is widely known:

Conclusion

While the bold decision to adapt Yetis to the subtropical areas doesn't seem to be an overwhelming success so far, it is definitely to be watched closely. A recommended improvement of the Yetis' survivability is depilation of most of their body surface to allow better cooling. However, the fur in question being the main feature distinguishing Yeti from the rest of the local population, a question of bringing in the Yetis to start with could be reasonably broached.

So far this question wasn't answered satisfactory, and the field is wide open for further research.

8 comments:

Dick Stanley said...

I know it's premature, but, somehow, I think these idiots are going to be turning their new nukes on themselves, before they get a chance to use them against anyone else.

David All said...

The photo of Brezhnev leering is side-splitting funny. Thanks Snoopy for this post and good luck in combating the Yeti menace. 

A. Decker said...

Wookies, Yetis, Reptilian shapeshifters; this one's both fun and educational. :-D

SnoopyTheGoon said...

That very well could happen, still they bear watching.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yep. The ole Leonid Ilyich left a treasure of good shots on the Internet.

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