31 October 2009

Save the planet: eat a professor?

This headline is a slight paraphrase of the Save the planet: eat a dog? article. Cannot say I was shocked by the main conclusion of this piece:

Victoria University professors Brenda and Robert Vale, architects who specialise in sustainable living, say pet owners should swap cats and dogs for creatures they can eat, such as chickens or rabbits, in their provocative new book Time to Eat the Dog: The real guide to sustainable living.
What with proliferation of quasi-scientific "research", we are being swamped lately by a lot of inane discoveries, such as negative impact of cow patties, general ruminants-produced flatulence, including the famous attack on the Norwegian moose whose belching and farting habits are going to put us all down (I guess it was about the males of the species, but it wouldn't be politically correct to say so in mass media). So the turn to our house pets was inevitable, I guess. Only in this case, the scientists in question could have been much more sensitive. After all, the custom of growing your pets and then eating them is not totally unheard of. It is just that the title of the book could have been crafted in a much more attractive way, such as:

Having Your Best Friend For Dinner


The 10th Life Of Your Beloved Tabby


The Inner Cat Or Claw Out Of That One

See what I mean? But to be practical, the above mentioned proliferation of scientific spam and research "achievements" requires another, really revolutionary, approach. Somebody must calculate the carbon footprint caused by the general upkeep (the housing, the feeding, the lecture halls, the offices, the research grants, the innumerable students, research assistants, the conferences and related flights and accommodation, the farting and belching of course, etc.) of an average university professor. Multiplied by the number of the phony and unnecessary scientific and teaching positions all over the world, I bet that the results will be striking. And, as I've already mentioned, revolutionary.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if it appears that to have a professor for dinner will become our preferred remedy for the CO2 surplus, global warming, scientific spam and many other problems.

After all, it could be just a question of recovering some old forgotten recipes that gather dust in some unpopular corners of various museums.

But isn't it what we have them professors for?

P.S. They claim that a cat is (CO2-wise, of course) equal to Volkswagen Golf. This is why I keep two cats and not a single Golf at home.

Via Tinkerty Tonk.


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