Iran refutes report Nasrallah was demoted

We can breath easily now, knowing that the rumors about Nasrallah's demotion were false.

According to Iranian Foreign Ministry Spokesman Muhammad Ali Hosseini, speaking in a weekly press conference Sunday morning, the aforementioned claims constitute nothing but "rumors spread with the central aim of emasculating the Lebanese opposition vis-à-vis the Zionist regime."

This sounds more authentic, if you know what I mean. In fact, our sources in Lebanon report that a special envoy from Tehran promoted Nasrallah to the rank of Major General in his hitherto secret bunker.

There was one hitch in the ceremony, though: since the envoy forgot to bring the Major General insignia from Tehran and the Lebanese army doesn't agree to share their own insignia with foreign mercenaries, Nasrallah was forced to order the shoulder tags from here over Internet.

(It was confirmed by the vendor that additional $5 were spent on epaulets).