Shocker of The Week

The persecution of Christians in Nigeria has reached terrifying proportions:

Compass Direct reports one such incident on 21 March when a teacher at the Government Secondary School of Gandu in the northern state of Gombe, was preparing to supervise an exam. As an anti-cheating procedure, she collected the students' bags before the exam and put them at the front of the classroom. One girl then cried out that because a Christian had handled her bag, the Quran in it had been desecrated. Muslims rushed into the school, stoning the building and the staff, dragging the teacher out and clubbing her to death.

Call me an Islamophobe if you wish, but some people really need to attend anger management classes.

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How about your health insurance, buddy?

A Syrian citizen who was caught Friday evening attempting to infiltrate Israel from Syria told authorities that he was seeking medical care.

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A bumpy start of the new era

This news item passed almost unnoticed save a small article by Reuters:

Northwest Airlines canceled a flight set to leave from Las Vegas to Detroit after the captain cursed on a cell phone in a bathroom, then swore at one of the 180 passengers on the plane, officials said on Saturday.

And even Reuters did not pay attention to the following significant detail:

"He used what was described to me as rude language," Ian Gregor, a spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration, said about Friday's incident on Northwest Flight 1190.

Why should FAA get involved in a seemingly unimportant disciplinary problem with a pilot?

And why had Northwest taken this extreme measure?

Northwest canceled the flight and flew the pilot back to his base in Detroit.

The answer is simple and shocking, ladies and gentlemen: Northwest is pioneering a new era in civil aviation: android pilots. They look totally human and behave in a manner that does not deviate from the normal human patterns. "He pinched my bottom just as he usually does when passing through the kitchenette", told the distressed flight attendant off the record.

Very soon, when the 'droid pilot's black box is deciphered, the reason for the deviation in his behavior will become known. The Detroit boffins will get to the bottom of this story, rest assured.

As for the general public: from now on, when you hear the usual "dear passengers, flight number xxx is delayed for a while due to change of equipment", keep in mind that the euphemism "equipment" does not mean just the plane anymore.

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The cobwebs of hope

Echoing the piece of news on the arse probing by Will:

The Rambam Medical Center in Haifa may be able to bring new hope for men suffering from impotence problems. A study being conducted at the hospital's sexual health clinic is aimed at determining whether a toxin secreted by spiders can help improve sexual performance among men.

The study was launched after researchers learned that men who had been bitten by spiders suffered from unusually prolonged erections.
...
One type of spiders to be used in the study is the notorious black widow.

While the article does not explain why this new study is necessary, what with proliferation of colored pills, herbs and other remedies on the market, it is clear that men will go as far as necessary in the search for that magic wand.

Happily, being bitten on the arse by a spider will not be necessary, the article mentions that the venom will be extracted from the source in another way.

There is one detail, though: the author of the article made a bit of a mess, mixing the black widow with the tarantula, whose picture was used for the article:

The real black widow spider looks like this:

And re this innuendo of having a black widow in your bed: the females of black widow spider variety do not usually use their males for a post-coital snack. Tarantulas, on the other hand, frequently do.

Since that big hairy tarantula was mentioned, I think that it could be used to improve male performance without any need for injections of venom or pills. Just hang a live one over the underperforming male and threaten him a bit. Should do wonders.

On the other hand...

P.S. On that colon-probing widget: I hope its software is up to the task, otherwise the widget might suddenly start cleaning your teeth instead of crawling your colon.

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Now pilgerize me a bit, please

The shock an awe techniques of some famous journalists have never failed to shock an awe me. Not exactly in the way the authors intended, though. I am continuously shocked and awed by the shameless ways some people choose to create a scoop, to attract attention or just to pursue a political end they desire most.

This article by the famous (or odious, you choose) John Pilger is a good example of shock and awe genre. It starts with (borrowed) image of Jews being led to a concentration camp, supposedly to focus your attention. The image is swiftly superimposed by the image of British public "being led towards perhaps the most serious crisis in modern history". Do you see the subtly drawn parallel? If not, you must be a running lackey dog of capitalist Zionist neocons.

To compound the shock, Pilger piles on an awful image of the usual suspects (the word "cabal" will appear later in the article, no worries) contriving a nuclear holocaust for 70 million Iranians:

The Bush administration, in secret connivance with Blair, has spent four years preparing for "Operation Iranian Freedom". Forty-five cruise missiles are primed to strike. According to General Leonid Ivashov, Russia's leading strategic thinker: "Nuclear facilities will be secondary targets, and there are 20 such facilities. Combat nuclear weapons may be used, and this will result in the radioactive contamination of all the Iranian territory, and beyond."

A secret connivance, 45 (why precisely 45?) cruise missiles "primed to strike", combat nuclear weapon, horrible death of Iranians, whatnot...

The rest of the article is not much better, resorting to histrionics like "non-existent weapons of mass destruction" (no one said yet that they already exist in Iran, but who cares?) or outright lies like "Iran has abided by the rules of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty."

It is not for nothing that another expert in bullshitting the masses and deftly ignoring inconvenient facts, one Noam Chomsky, stood up in defence of a colleague:

Noam Chomsky has claimed that the reason why journalists have invented the terms 'to pilger' and 'pilgerize' is because, when faced with the uncomfortable facts about the consequences of U.S foreign policy that Pilger presents, 'ridicule' is the only response they are capable of.

See who is talking about "uncomfortable facts"? It would have been funny if it wasn't so sad, really...

But all this is a matter of pilgerizing. What is remarkable in the article is the consistency of drawing the Nazi parallel.

On April 6 Blair accused "elements of the Iranian regime" of "financing, arming and supporting terrorism in Iraq". He offered no evidence, and the MoD has none. This is the same Goebbels-like refrain with which he and his coterie, Brown included, brought an epic bloodletting to Iraq.

Do you see what I see? If not... but I have already mentioned it.

So, John, pilgerize me back a bit more, OK? No no, a bit lower... now a bit to the right... yes, that's the spot... oh boy...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Snoopy has already said his farewell to Kurt and I want to follow suit.

Oh The Hilarity!

Do some people actually take the trouble to read the stuff they spout and are they capable of seeing just how hilarious and absurd their ramblings are? No comment:

...Whenever I think of 'suicide' in relation to Israel I think about the reality of a tiny nation (smaller than the City of New York) continually tormenting 200 million of its Arab and Moslem neighbours ...

The guy is in earnest.

Taken from here.

P.S. The comment quoted above is to be found in the talkback section that follows the main article.

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Samson As A Terrorist

Boy, do I need to let off steam after reading this article, which describes and discusses a certain performance of The Victoria Philharmonic Choir (Canada). Do read it in full and then come back and share your views.

In short, many leftists can't get over the fact that Jews have produced a stunning number of scientists, engineers, artists, professionals and thinkers, while Muslims have thus far produced a startling number of suicide bombers, misogynists, tyrants and crybabies. In order to portray Jews and Israel as evil - moral equivalence is a must, after all - they decided to turn their attention to ancient history and draw inspiration from there. And they also want us to look at Palestinian terrorists from a different vantage point.

But until Capet, nobody had figured out a way to use the Samson story to so completely turn things upside down as to reconstruct an important work of art to portray a Jew as a suicide bomber.

You'd think it would require quite some talent to create something that does this, but the way Capet carries it off is actually quite subtle. The Samson libretto is almost exactly as Handel wrote it, but instead of keeping it set in the days of the Israelites' ancient oppression under the Philistines, the costumes and the minimalist stage props are meant to suggest Gaza, circa 1946. The Philistine guards wear British army uniforms.

It started when the National Post picked up a thoughtful article Sarah Petrescu had written for the Victoria Times-Colonist, in which Capet declared his intent to challenge contemporary conceptions of terrorism. Capet asked: "Is there any difference between pulling down a pillar or blowing a bomb?"

Capet told CBC News that he was struck by the persistence of this kind of violent act through history, and the Samson story cried out for a treatment that would make it relevant to contemporary events in the Middle East. "Samson could be any 'freedom fighter,'" Capet said. "Some say I'm brave, some say I'm anti-Israel or whatever, but that is OK. The point is to get discussion going."

He got discussion going alright, but not so much in the direction he wanted. It didn't help that the philosophy professor Shadia Drury weighed in. Drury had previously compared Samson to the 9-11 bomber Mohammed Atta. She called Capet heroic.

Capet then followed up with an interview on CBC's As It Happens, counseling an approach to terrorism based on "empathy" and "understanding," lest we leave ourselves with "no chance to reach across and make a conversation with these people." Then two Jewish choir members issued a statement about the rumpus declaring that "every hero is someone's terrorist as well as someone's child."

On the one hand, Capet would stake out fairly clear positions, proposing "understanding" and "empathy" as the proper approach to take on the question of suicide bombing.

The article is pretty tight, broaching a vast number of subjects and events, and the performance in question can be understood in a multitude of ways. Oh, well, maybe the music was nice.

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Talkback's Insanity

Does anyone else think that commenters dwelling in the talkback sections of the major Israeli news outlets are, well, in dire need of professional help? Whenever I glance at the insane rants - you know, written by caps lock aficionados and containing tirades, raves, inane piles of words, brief biographies, personal grievances, incomprehensible ramblings - that follow most articles, I catch myself thinking that psychiatrists aren’t doing their job.

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Truer words are rarely said

Says Isaac Schrödinger:

It's quite something: most Europeans living today have, historically speaking, a distorted view of reality. They've lived in their American-subsidized peace bubble for too long. They think that calling the Iranians, Syrians or the North Koreans evil is the problem. Bush having a comic book view of the world is the problem. America is the problem.

Yep.

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Farewell, Kurt

Rest in peace, snake charmer of our youth. And you are right: no karass is without a wampeter.

Be seeing you later.

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Which Place in Hell Are You Headed For?

My Zionist nature has manifested itself yet again:

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

What about you?

The Zionist Lobby Is At It Again

Ah, the all-powerful Zionist lobby (all very nice chaps, BTW). How much sleep has the Muslim community lost over their diabolical schemes and criminal conspiracies?

Prince Turki Al-Faisal, former Saudi ambassador to the United States, accused the US Congress of being “the center of hostility” in America toward Saudi Arabia.
“The reasons for that are many, the first of which is the Zionist lobby in the United States,” Prince Turki said at a symposium entitled “The Role of Diplomacy in Political Crises,” organized by the Saudi Association for Media and Communications here yesterday.

Of course, the Joos have pulled strings (boy, do they know which strings to grab ahold of!) and treacherously set the US Congress against Saudi Arabia - it is the only satisfactory explanation for the existent hostility that comes to mind on such short notice. Why would anyone dislike that oasis of a country, famous for its boundless tolerance, deep respect for human rights and human dignity? Surely Saudis have much more in common with Americans than the Joos? It is a no-brainer.

He said that the lobby was powerful and had a direct impact on the decisions taken by members of Congress. “The lobby supports and encourages Congress members to take hostile stances toward Saudi Arabia,” he said.

I can only congratulate Prince Turki Al-Faisal on having such an extraordinarily agile mind. Yeah, the Joos are working really hard - morning, noon and night - to ensure that the most powerful nation on Earth remains a faithful friend of the Jewish people. We, the Joos, had to go through thick and thin throughout the course of our turbulent history, marked, in the main, by pain and loss. We have learned a great deal from our experience and become wise enough to stand up for our rights just in case. "Never again" is our motto - and, relentless in our desire to secure a bright future for our people, we are sticking to it at all costs.

Cry me a river, dear Prince. There are practically hordes and hordes of nosy lobbies roaming free in the US Congress, all pushing their agendas and slaving for the interests of their communities, businesses and whatnot. You are welcome to join the fray and beat us at our own game.

Anyway, I see nothing inherently evil about supporting and working for your homeland. Do you?

Prince Turki said that before Sept. 11, 2001, public surveys showed that 45 percent of Americans believed that the Kingdom was a friendly nation. “After it was announced that 15 of the 19 hijackers who took part in the attacks were Saudi, public surveys showed that 60 percent believed that Saudi Arabia was a hostile country,” he said.

Are you genuinely surprised? Contrary to the rumors, Americans are not blithering idiots: They woke up and smelled a rat in a jiffy. The hate-filled literature imported from the Holy Kingdom, Wahabbism, the ban on churches and synagogues (and lack of religious freedom in principle), vicious misogyny - the list goes on and on. Americans are renowned for their open-mindedness indeed, but their brains haven't yet fallen out of their heads.

“Americans are people of good will. They are tolerant and are not prejudiced and come from different backgrounds,” he said, adding that despite their biased media, the American people have the tendency to search for the truth and listen to both sides of the story.

The same cannot be said about Saudis. Give me a call when the first full-blown church is founded in the land of Sordid Wahabbia.

Prince Turki said that it was important to cooperate with Amnesty International despite its hostile reports about alleged violations of human rights in the Kingdom. Preliminary approval was given to the human rights body to visit the Kingdom and preparations are under way for a future visit, he added.

Notice the word "alleged". WTF?

“We fear nothing. We are not closed. And we do not cocoon ourselves...Unfortunately, after Sept.11 our traditions, customs, and religion were put under the spotlight,” he said. He pointed out that the establishment of the Saudi-US Strategic Committee on the government level had positive impacts on “sealing many of the gaps between the two countries.”

Of course, Saudi Arabia, and the Muslim world as a whole, is not closed. It would be a tall order indeed to find a more open, tolerant society in the world. I - a cunning, narrow-minded Zionist with insatiable lust for blood - can only bow my head in shame, for my lot is to only dream about such moral excellence.

Link.

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The cost of attractiveness and other miscellany

If you thought that being vertically challenged is just a matter of higher heels, think again:

Similarly, according to the study, a 5-foot-0 guy would need to make $325,000 more than a 6-foot-0 man to be as successful in the online dating market. A 5-foot-4 man would need $229,000; a 5-foot-6 man would need $183,000; a 5-foot-10 man would need $32,000. And if that 6-foot-0 man wanted to do as well as a 6-foot-4 man, he’d need to make $43,000 more.

And if you thought that "offending material" really offends a lot of people, think again:

The Ayrshire-based cable firm mistakenly aired the pornographic content, from adult channel Climax 3, to customers for two hours until the mix-up was discovered at midnight and the plug pulled on the offending material.

It looks like for the duration of two hours no one was offended, doesn't it?



To Rachel for the two items above .




And speaking about offending, an anonymous person sent around the following picture:

This one is not going to get a prize for political correctness...

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Neutron Saifeddin - the saga continues

The former commander of Iraq's Republican Guard has accused the US of using non-conventional weapons in its war against the Middle East country. Saifeddin Fulayh Hassan Taha al-Rawi told Al Jazeera that US forces used neutron and phosphorus bombs during their assault on Baghdad airport before the April 9 capture of the Iraqi capital. Al-Rawi is one of the most wanted associates of Saddam Hussein, the deposed Iraqi leader, still on the run.

The above quote from the Al Jazeera exclusive, while interesting by itself, conveniently skirts some amazing facts from the story of valiant Saifeddin. As it can be seen, the hero is hiding his head in a kafiyeh during the interview:

On the other hand, his face is already not a secret:
Why should a person whose open and friendly face appeared in the stack of cards, widely and freely distributed by US forces in Iraq, hide his face from the viewers, you may very well ask?

And the reason is simple: Saifeddin was one of the Iraqi soldiers in the airport area that fell prey to the diabolic neutron bombs. While all other soldiers perished, Al Rawi was saved by the will of Allah. However, there was a price: the especially rabid neutrons, trained by the infidels to attack senior Iraqi officers, completely disfigured our hero, and now he looks like this:


Of course, this seeming misfortune had its bright side: no matter how much effort the infidels made to catch Saifeddin, his new face deceived them.

There is another grievance Saifeddin nurtures: his hurt ego. In an off the record discussion with Al Jazeera reporter, he complained about being assigned the insulting rank of jack of clubs. "I will show the infidel aggressors who is Saifeddin Fulayh Hass... mmm... curse these foul parents of mine for inventing this darn long name, anyway I'll show them! A measly million dollars for my head!", the general shouted. It took the reporter a prolonged lunch in a belly-dancing restaurant to calm Saifeddin down.

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