04 November 2013

Venezuelan MISHAP (Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness)

Well, what do you know? And I used to call the late Caudillo Chavez (PBUH) Comical Hugo. Who could have guessed that the apprentice will overshadow his teacher so quickly.
Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro announced [es] the creation of a Vice Ministry for the Supreme Social Happiness of the Venezuelan People. The Vice Ministry's objective is to coordinate the more than 30 social missions that have been created in Venezuela since the late ex-president Hugo Chávez took power. Maduro also explained [es] that he named it “in honour of our commander Chávez and of [Simón] Bolívar.”
I don't know about the late Comical Hugo, he is probably not yet in a shape that allows him to pay attention to the goings-on (after all, he has to get used to the VIP heaven). But Mr Bolivar, who wasn't known for too exuberant sense of humor, is probably getting a serious stomach ache up there. In any case, there is a good enough explanation of the need for such ministry:

But who could object to seeing some happiness of this kind:
Venezuelans are, by nature, a happy and optimistic people. The country regularly tops happiness rankings, and anyone who has visited the country understands why, as most Venezuelans seem cheerful and upbeat.

Currently, though, Venezuelans are facing numerous problems: a soaring crime rate, faltering public services, a scarcity of basic staples, and increased social tensions. Worried about the effect of this on the country's cheerfulness, the Venezuelan government has taken an extraordinary, and some would say unusual, step: creating a national office for happiness.

Only a heartless old misanthrope would be against this, I am sure. The other question is the means. Somebody in Venezuela already started thinking on the ways of implementation, involving the local politicians:

And we all have to insure that the glorious past achievements in the happiness department are not forgotten and used to make the Venezuelan kids happy. Like this one, for instance:

Of course, the HIT (Happiness Infusion Team) squads like the one in the picture above will be employed only for the sake of the young ones. Every adult citizen of Venezuela will have to insure he/she is happy by him/herself. The lack of toilet paper and runaway inflation notwithstanding.

The lack of a smile on a citizen face will be registered and recorded by the SHIT (Supervisory Happiness Indication Team) squads, roving the streets, parks, buildings, jungle and other spaces of the country. Repeated offenders will be entered in SHIT lists for re-education and sent to toilet paper mines for development of politically correct view of reality and smile training.

Of course, there is a catch that the clowns members of Venezuela's socialist leadership should be aware about. The happier a person is, the better her/his appetite becomes, the more food the person consumes. Even leaving aside the problems with attaining the required food in Venezuela, there inevitably comes the time when toilet paper is desperately needed. Some vicious cycle here, if you have noticed.

Probably an entertainment team or a Valium dispenser in every public toilet will do the trick. But what about the private restrooms?  Should they be abolished as vestiges of imperialist individualism?

And, in related news:
Nicolás Maduro, strongman Hugo Chavez’s handpicked successor, has asked Venezuela’s National Assembly to grant him special decree powers, allegedly to counter corruption and improve the country’s economy.
Still not smiling, I see... oh well.You have been warned.


SnoopyTheGoon said...

Ole!!!!! Are the spectators giving the Bull the cop's ears and tail?

SnoopyTheGoon said...

They just have to, otherwise it wouldn't count...