An introduction to his Gluteus Maximus

We've been inundated with e-mail, from colleagues, Bloggers and friends pointing us to a variety of mouths that are yapping away, producing gloating drivel.

Seems like it's the season, everyone is standing in line to lay the boot in, now that Lard Arse is horizontal and connected to apparatus, we are witnessing feverish, if sometimes sloppy attempts to rewrite Ariel Sharons history. So, we thought we should point out a few things for those kind souls to consider while they go about revising the narrative.

The past decades of his life were spent gregariously consuming, anything that was put down in front of him, with colossal satisfaction. Like a Caterpillar D9, he plowed his way forward obliterating every obstacle that had strayed in the path of his mandibles. He calmly chewed it all up, savoring every bite with glutinous satisfaction.

So, while the twittering and gloating goes on, let's not forget one simple fact, one that can't be swept away - not one of his adversaries nor Israel's enemies ever scored a single point against him. He fought fire with a blazing inferno; his influence, tactics and victories will continue to shape Israel's destiny.

His message to all those gloating chirpers would be the same today as it's always been - you are all cordially invited to humbly pucker up and bow down before his corpulent, hairy two cheeked mezuzah.