02 December 2015

Unconditional surrender of an ex - male chauvinist

A reposting of an old one, inspired by this news:

It seems that gals letting their armpit hair grow wild and free wasn't liberating enough, so they have decided to up the ante by including one important feature: glitter.
Quite, so here is the old one, from the good old era of armpit hair liberation.

One of my pen-friends has sent me a link to this extraordinary poem, considering it to be funny. Indeed, the title - Ode to My Armpit Hair - could be, at first glance, considered funny and cause a few laughs here and there.

However, after a careful reading and analysis of the poem and some study of its author, Ms Kirsten Anderberg, mostly via her site, I have plunged into a long period of gloomy and nerve-wrecking deliberations upon the future of the world, focusing at the end on my own, generally insignificant and short, but still dear to me, future.

And I have made the choice, my dear fellow men and women. You, my friends, may consider me a quisling, but let me tell you - it is this way or re-education in uranium mines (or alfalfa fields or whatever plant the eco-feminists will consider fitting for feeding their men). But let me give you some background first, using the above mentioned poem. Starting with one of the last stanzas:

Who would I be shaving for?
Who benefits from it all?
Perhaps the purpose is to distract my energies
From facilitating patriarchy's fall!!
I hope it is clear that Kirsten's plan of felling patriarchy could not be thwarted. I, for one, will not stand in her way. Not after reading on her site:

And let me make it clear right now, they will have to kill me with a squadron of Blue Angels before they will ever take my son to fight their illegal wars.
(It is not the letter of the statement - after all, Blue Angels just don't have what it takes to kill someone, aside of themselves when something goes wrong with the plane and, besides, Blue Angels are not about war, but mostly about adventure and testosterone - oops... anyway, it is the spirit of this sentence that caused my hands to shake for a while.) Patriarchy will fall, it is already falling, and if you do not see it crumbling - too bad for you. I, personally, never had anything against matriarchy and am ready to submit to it and its tenets.

So, to show my loyalty to the cause, I can easily relate to this:

What does my armpit hair symbolize?
Why does it threaten you?
Shaven armpits that use deodorants get cancer more often
And corporations stink more than you!
While I cannot say that I have ever invested any time into comparative sniffing of corporations, I can easily agree with that statement. And no, the armpit hair has never threatened me personally, nor did I hear any of my friends complaining about receiving threats from one. As long as Kirsten promises not to attempt to strangle me with her armpit hair (after all, it must be quite long by now, see "I haven't shaved since '78 "), I am perfectly fine with it and promise even to take up braiding it for any matriarch that requests this service in the future.

And to hell with deodorants. Really. Just one humble request to Kirsten: please, oh please, do not sing that song* at me anymore!

Sincerely (and always) pro-feminist.

(*) Update: I have copied that song from the K.A. site, after it has crashed my Firefox and my IE several times. Whether the following is related to this act or not, I don't know (click to enlarge):

After all, how many spam mails signed by this or other VIP does one get from very dubious sources? How can one be sire that this is an authentic Kirsten Anderberg?

But, assuming that it is authentic:

  1. The letter should be taken seriously (see the reasons why above). I still hope to avoid the uranium mines and alfalfa fields, if at all possible.
  2. The letter itself is a tit-for-tat replacement of the song, it's as screeching to the eyes as... you know.
  3. It seems to be a sign that the song will be soon removed from the originating site as well and will not endanger the future generations of Pavarottis and Callas-es.
  4. And that I should avoid aggressive-looking persons with overabundance of bodily hair for the near future (at least).
But boy, oh boy - one should be careful when a lady tell him she couldn't care less, because then...

Update 2: There is a worthy replacement to that forbidden song now, on Youtube no less, so here you go. Enjoy, but be carefull enough to hold your finger on the Stop button.