Keanu's intelligent Porsche

That CNN headline was like something from the Matrix, really:
Looks like in that special world Keanu Reeves inhabits, he has a car intelligent enough to hunt photographers. So I clicked on the link in a jiffy, of course. Ah, well, it was a bit of a letdown:

Photographer: Keanu Reeves hit me with Porsche

OK, fine, so the car is not so clever, it still needs it owner for mayhem. Still it leaves Keanu some supernatural qualities: not everyone could pick up his car, let alone hit someone with it. But let's follow the script:

A photographer sued Keanu Reeves, accusing the actor of hitting him with his Porsche in a not-so-excellent encounter in March.

So, the encounter was "not-so-excellent". Which means (probably, but it is my guess and I could be reaching here) that it was only partially excellent. What would have been a result of a very-excellent encounter? A totally flattened photographer? But wait, the plot thickens.

Authorities said at the time that the person Reeves struck was a paparazzo.

Which means what: that the person addressed as photographer in the headline is not a paparazzi anymore? Probably as a result of that ennobling encounter with the actor?

And still, as if it were not enough, mysteries continue to pile up:

An attorney for Reeves said then that Silva was blocking Reeves' way and that if there was a collision, it was not hard enough to injure the photographer.

Try to read that second half of the sentence again: "...if there was a collision, it was not hard enough to injure the photographer."

Now explain it to me, please. Is it about some superhuman abilities of Reeves again or what?

As an aside: do AP reporters use call centers in India to write the articles for them?

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