Timeo Danaos et donna ferentes

Warning: a long fisk!

Warning 2: but with a funny ending!

That was showing off, I admit: my knowledge of Latin is more or less exhausted by this famous statement - Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. But I have remembered this phrase very quickly while reading this post. The reason for it is simple: the author, one Chris Voidis, claims to be a Greek writer, gainfully employed in publishing. He says about himself "I write poetry, literary fiction, as well as on philosophy, terrorism, foreign policy, and anything else that comes into my head...". In other words, a blogger.

I have found (or, rather, been pointed to) this post on a site with the peculiar name "Thought Mechanics". My personal preference is to think of the thought process as something rather more complex than any mechanical device in existence, but if these posters prefer to debase themselves in this fashion - so be it. At least it shows they are not too pretentious. Now to the post. To tell you the truth, my first reaction after reading it was to skip it and move on. But I got my marching orders on this task, and a man must do what a man must do, especially if he is a lowly Hasbarah grunt. So, here is a job to be done, and let's proceed.

Tehran's goal is to "ultimately wipe Israel off the map," Israeli Prime Minister Olmert was quoted as saying in an interview before meeting with President Bush. "This is not an issue of Israel only. This is a moral issue of the whole world and the whole world has to join forces in order to stop it. This is a problem of every country. I know that President Bush is fully aware of that."

The above was just an introduction to the post, nothing to fisk so far, so relax...

Leave it to a leader of a country that is occupying a foreign land, regularly kills children and women, is in defiance of UN resolutions, has close to 200 nuclear weapons, and also has over 700 people in administrative detention (meaning without trial), to talk about issues of morality.

It is not immediately clear from the above who it is that is occupying, regularly kills and is in defiance - the leader or the country? If the former - he surely gets around, if the latter - most of the accusations above apply to many countries, especially to all that possess nuclear weapons. But I guess Chris here means Israel after all. I only hope we have more than 200 nukes, because it looks like we need every blessed one of them, what with friends like Chris. And why wouldn't Mr. Olmert talk about morality? He is a politician, for Chris sake, and politicians always talk this way. All politicians like to talk about something they will never attain, so be charitable.

Israeli leaders, politicians and spin masters have always tried to make themselves and all of Israeli society to be somehow morally superior to the rest of the world. This is a strong subtext that can easily be read in most government statements, media themes, movies, etc. After all, it works.

Now, now, Chris – you get a bit over your head here. It is one thing to pull out of your hat that useful straw man of Israelis pretending to moral superiority. But even when you are demonstrating your mental laziness, it could be nice to see some proof. Some quote or two supporting your “strong subtext” claim. Otherwise that straw man makes you look a bit stupid, you know.

Why does it work? Because the Christian west feels guilty for having almost wiped Jews of the earth. Sure, I believe that the various campaigns against the Jews throughout the ages happened, and that they should be condemned along with every other such act or campaign against anyone, anywhere.

Aha! Not only the Christian West feels guilty (that includes Chris himself, I hope), but Chris also believes that all these “campaigns” (an interesting choice of term) really happened! No shit! Only… er… don’t you feel an undercurrent here, a strong subtext or something. It is almost as if Chris… nah, it cannot be… I am sure that some of his best friends are Jews. And it is good that Chris feels guilty, even a tad. Non-guilty Chris will be of no use to the Elders, I am sure.

On the other hand, the structure of that last sentence... one cannot be sure who is it that should be condemned: the "campaigns" or the Jews. No, I am just being picky. Or is it Chris's subconsciousness that plays these tricks?

But the fact that Israelis and many Jews in general tend to use the event of the Holocaust as some sort of badge of higher moral standing is appalling, in bad taste and hypocritical. The Holocaust did not somehow immunize the Jews against moral depravity, cruelty and the possibility of acting in a criminal manner against their fellow human being.

Now we are talking! "Israelis and many Jews in general"... It is the generalization time here. How right Chris is! I personally always use and invoke Holocaust with gusto when encountering, for example, a queue for something or other or when there are no seats on a bus or… but you see what I mean. Of course, it works only with all the Western Christian dupes, you know. Muslims usually say something in the line of “Pity Hitler didn’t finish the job”, some of them even throw up the right arm in a certain way. But yes, it works like a dream in Europe and US, Chris. And all of us Jews know, love and constantly use this trick. You bet.

Re that immunization by Holocaust: strange that, but you know, the exact opposite happened. When encountering a fellow human being, we tend to shoot first and discuss the issues of moral depravity, cruelty and the possibility of acting in a criminal manner (whatever it means) later.

How's that for generalizations, Chris? See, two can play this game.

In a very classical way, I often wonder if the Israelis are not more prone to abusing others exactly because they themselves have been abused throughout history. It would seem to me that this is indeed the case. But, as we know from our justice systems, when one is tried for abuses, to bring up that one was once also abused is not much of a defence.

In a very classical way... Oy vey... Especially when it comes translated from Greek. Absolutely too deep for me. Probably means something Oedipal. No, Chris, really, you are going over the top again. We, the Jooz, are and have always been a simple vagrant tribe. A bit of looting and raping here, burn a village there, get away with someone's cattle in a jiffy - you know, basic stuff like this. We are not much into talking. What I say to my children, may these hooligans be blessed: if you gonna abuse others - abuse, don't talk. And you know what, Chris - they catch up quickly, the momzers!

Israeli Prime Minister Olmert would like us to think that he is a moral man. This is way he grasps the issue of Iran's Nuclear Program as one that has moral dimensions. But this convinces very few people who care about such things. The vast majority in the US don't really care, and this in itself is immoral, while the rest of the world is not so easily fooled. Least of all the Chinese and the Russians.

Olmert again... What is it Olmert have done to our Chris here? But I agree: The Issue Of Iran's Nuclear Program Is Not A Moral One. It is rather a question of who shoots first. I mean it in very classical way, Chris.

Of course, Chris here got totally confused with that vast US majority that don't really care (about what?) and this (what this?) which in itself is immoral. I need a Greek augur for this one, but let it slide.

And WTF does it have to do with Chinese or Russians being not so easily fooled? I mean why should Chinese care about anything? No one understands Chinese anyhow. And Russians? Come on, Chris, they get their thirty shekels from the Ayatollahs and are happy as a clam, why should they care? Oh boy, it gets more and more confusing.

If the last half century is any indication in the Middle East, Iran has started no wars, but instead has been on the receiving end of a bloody campaign by the US in the guise of the Shah who was installed there by the CIA, and then by Iraq which was supported by the US, UK, Saudi Arabia, Israel and the Gulf states, and let us not forget the US sanctions which now are mostly meaningless and ineffective.

Bloody campaign (campaign again, you notice?) by the US in the guise of the Shah. I am starting to get the idea of the meaning of the word "campaign" as used by Chris. Or, at least, I have that feeling. It is touching how protective of Ayatollahs is our Chris. I have found more of that in the comments to Chris' post: somebody named Adrian MacNair uses that old "mistranslation" canard about Mahmoud the Mad's real intentions toward Israel:

I also believe that Ahmadinejad was mistranslated with regards to "wiping from the Earth". I believe he was referring to the Zionist rule, just as one might say they want the neo-cons wiped from the Earth, but not in fact the United States.

And our poor Chris immediately jumps on the opportunity:

Adrian, I wholeheartedly agree. I was going to include the bit about the mistranslation, but then I thought twice about it because so many could say "yeah yeah, sure."

I'm very glad you brought that up. I've heard him say something similar to that as well this summer in reference to the Lebanon war and the conflict in Palestine. He said that the root of the problem was the Zionist regime, and that it must be removed.

Only on the BBC was it translated properly, as far as I remember.

Yeah, yeah, sure, Chris. That's a bit pathetic, you know, after all these uncounted "mistranslations", calls for the Jews to get out of the Middle East back to Europe before it is too late, threats to any European country that continues to support (bleh) Israel etc. Try better next time.

By the above count, it would not seem unfair to point out that the only threat in the Middle East is the US, UK and Israel, along with their client states. These are the states that need to be hauled before the UN and have sanctions imposed on them, not to mention having their leader brought before a Nuremberg style court for Crimes against Humanity.

I don't get that mention of the "above count" (who counted what?), but if I had one shekel for each time I read about that US/UK/Israel only threat and hauling them all before the court for Crimes against Humanity - I would not be sitting here in my crummy Hasbarah office churning these words out, believe me. Instead, I would be on one of them Greek islands with... aw shacks, enough.

To hear a butcher like Olmert talk of morality is indeed a travesty…

Olmert and morality again! Is there a way to cure Chris of that obsession with Olmert and morality? And now butcher? Where does Chris get off with that idea? That poor loser had barely time to start a minor war, and he is already a butcher. It seems to be a bad luck of Israeli politicians. Here the dream comes true, and immediately people like me start calling him no good dumbo and other names from a great variety. And people like Chris call him butcher - invariably and unoriginally.

Well, it is time to summarize, Chris: Atten-hut!

• That post of yours does not carry a single original thought - F for originality
  
• It is a bunch of slogans from the same smelly anti-Zionist reservoir - F for plagiarism
  
• Badly put at that - F for composition
  
• You get an F for logic - not a trace thereof
  
• But almost a C for vitriol
• Which is not good enough today even to feed a cockroach

Now to your occupation coaching: you will be much better off using your job at a publisher. You may try to push through some of your poetry there. Let me know when you succeed - I shall buy a book and put it on display in a prominent place in our Hasbarah department. After all, we are kinda friends by now.

At ease, boy.

Now I feel like going into some more generalizations - to enlighten you a bit in the process. You see, Chris, it is almost time of Chanuka. And you of Greek persuasion, which is doubly significant. You may not know this, but Chanuka is celebrated partly because some Jewish people named Maccabees with a ragtag volunteer militia beat the crap out of Greek invaders. It is since that occasion, about 2200 years ago by now, that Greeks feel a certain animosity toward Jooz, you know, so you may be excused (almost, but your writing must seriously improve to be totally excused). Now what is the second item of significance I have promised? It is also related to Maccabees in a way. Actually to a basketball team named Maccaby Tel-Aviv that succeeds to beat the crap out of the best Greek teams almost any time. Which exacerbates the animosity to be sure.

And do you know what, Chris: I am not good at counting. There is a third reason, in fact. Topping the previous two issues you have with Jooz, you Greeks have now hired yourself an Israeli coach for your basketball team. How is that for an insult?

And how was all of the above for a lesson in generalization? Eat my dust, boyo!

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