NASA scientists worried about the fate of Paektu Mountain

Leading scientists of NASA expressed grave concern with the fate of Paektu Mountain, an active volcano and a famous nature phenomenon on the border between North Korea and China. After the historic ascent to the summit of the mountain by the corpulent North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, several geodetic satellites have shown that the height of the mountain has decreased by 25.4 cm (10.7874 inch).

An anonymous well-informed NASA expert commented:

The same geodetic satellites that measured the height of Paektu Mountain's summit are secretly measuring the dimensions of Mr Kim Jong Un, and the leading scientists are worried about the rapid increase in the said measurements. If the trend continues, another ascent or two by the man might cause irreparable loss to the fragile ecology of the whole region, including draining of the Heaven Lake, the source of Chinese rivers Songhua, Tumen and Yalu, not to mention the habitat for tigers, bears, leopards, wolves, wild boars and, most importantly, of scaly-sided mergansers.

As a response to the implied critique of one of his greatest feats, Kim Jong Un, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the DPRK National Defence Commission and supreme commander of the Korean People's Army (KPA) said:

We should dynamically conduct a drive of breaking through the cutting edge with intense loyalty and noble sense of moral obligation to further glorify the DPRK as a space power and thus hand down the undying feats of the Generalissimo to posterity.

If the US imperialists threaten our sovereignty and survival... our troops will fire our nuclear-armed rockets at the White House and the Pentagon - the sources of all evil. The army and people of the DPRK who aspire after justice and truth and value conscience have hundreds of millions of supporters and sympathizers, known or unknown, who have turned out in the sacred war against terrorism and the U.S. imperialists, the chieftain of aggression, to accomplish the just cause.

With special thanks to Judeopundit.