01 April 2013

Hollywood converts and other UFOs

Judaism does get its share of the soul-searching celebs, and at least two interesting cases came to our attention lately, thanks to ToI:

Ashton Kutcher

Kutcher, who’s been dating Jewish actress Mila Kunis since last September, is now studying Judaism and Ukranian (Kunis’s native tongue) in order to impress her parents...
Yes, Mila Kunis is definitely worth a conversion. There is a related question ToI asks:
If Kutcher does indeed convert to Judaism, one wonders what will become of that first name; Christopher is not hugely “Jewish” sounding.
Always ready to assist, I think that Chaim will do admirably. And, while we are at it, let's modify the last name too: I propose Kushner. This way the man will be able to keep the monograms on his cufflinks, luggage and underwear. Welcome to the tribe, Chaim Kushner!

Now to a more serious case that touches some personal fibers** of my otherwise shriveled Elder's heart:

Actress Drew Barrymore will have her six tattoos removed by laser surgery, reportedly over worries that the ornamentation on her body might prevent her from eventually receiving a Jewish burial, Star magazine reported last week.

Barrymore, who achieved fame as a child star and had a period of high-profile substance abuse as a teen, recently married Jewish art consultant Will Kopelman and has since been thinking of converting to Judaism.
Sweetie! You should leave that Kopelman character. What manner of a man he is if he cannot resolve that puny issue? I personally undertake to find a rabbi what will give you a permission to be buried where, when and how you prefer. As for the tattoos (the list* of which is helpfully provided by that article): each one will be worshipfully attended by your humble, and perish the thought of removing them. Really.

(*) "The tattoos Barrymore hopes to remove include two angels on her back, a butterfly on her stomach, a bouquet of flowers on her hip, a Cross on her leg, and a crescent moon on her toe."
(**) Hopefully SWMBO will miss this item...

And now to another link between Hollywood and E.T.s:
A gigantic symbol etched into the desert in New Mexico holds below it a secret “alien space cathedral” built by Tom Cruise’s Scientology church, according to one man’s account. The symbols are supposedly a welcoming message to aliens designed in a crop-circle fashion that can only be seen from high above the ground, BBC reporter John Sweeney says.
And more:
According to Sweeney’s account, the religion believes a sinister extraterrestrial being called Xenu brought billions of people to earth in spaceships similar to DC8 airliners. The gigantic symbols above the underground religious base are reportedly a way to guide Scientologists returning to Earth after fleeing to outer space to escape armageddon.
I don't know about "billions of people", such numbers are more in Elders' domain than in some start-up wannabe church's. But existence of one E.T. at least is definitely proven:

So there.