Constipation as the main trouble of European Union

If you thought that the main issue on the table of EU bureaucrats is the lack of funds combined with unwillingness of the public to tighten the belts, you are wrong. It is the health issues that make for the solons' sleepless nights, apparently. Just a short while ago the EU scientists and bureaucrats came to a brilliant conclusion that water is no good in prevention of dehydration. Not content with one brilliant discovery at a time, they are now busily butchering another sacred cow - the Prune.

They might not be able to save the continent’s economy, but the men of Brussels are finding ways to keep busy. For example, they have decided that since the laxative effect of prunes cannot be proved beyond doubt, they cannot be promoted as an aid to regularity.

Of course, you can understand why a British MEP, coming from the cradle of common sense, was easily incensed and ready to act:

This has angered Sir Graham Watson, a Liberal Democrat MEP, so much that he has challenged the relevant European Commissioner to a prune-eating contest – hoping, perhaps, that gut feeling will trump scientific dogma.

My dear Watson! Dear Sir Graham! In the interest of objective scientific inquiry I would like to suggest a few easy and practical rules of this important scientific experiment:

1. First of all, the whole EU Parliament and all its other elected officials and permanent employees should participate.
2. Every participant should be allocated the same quantity of prunes. I would say one kilogram.
3. The time for consuming the prunes should be limited. One hour should do it.
4. Each participant will be considered done with this part of the experiment only after drinking a liter of a non-dehydrating liquid.
5. All participants to be kept in the same room under clinical observation for at least five hours. The time could be dedicated to additional experiments, such as proving that air is not necessarily a remedy against asphyxiation.

I would like to offer a supplementary experiment that could be important for the European agricultural community: to check whether the carrot (Daucus carota subsp. sativus) could be used as a sufficient stoppage measure for the participants that display signs of impatience or discomfort. Knowing the EU penchant for precision, I am confident that the carrots used will be of same dimensions.

On a serious note: do the respected members and employees of that bloated bureaucratic heaven called EU really think that nonsense like this will endear them to the potential Chinese, Russian (and even American) donors when they pass the hat around for contributions?

The heck it will...