05 August 2011

Martians: the first encounter

Well, it goes/went like this: the first team of astronauts (cosmonauts, taikonauts) successfully landed on Mars. Several astronauts went out for a first stroll on the planet. After a few steps their protective suit analyzers have shown presence of oxygen in percentage seemingly sufficient for breathing.

One of the astronauts says "You know, guys, let me light a match. If it burns down OK, we probably could dispose of these helmets and breath local air". He pulls a matchbook out of his pocket, gets one match and... but at this moment a bright blue aborigine* jumps out from behind a boulder shouting "No! NO!" in perfect English** accompanied by mucho hands waving.

The spooked astronaut drops the unlit match and the aborigine retreats."What was that about?" he asks his friends. "Perhaps there is some explosive faction in the atmosphere and we could have been blown to smithereens, so the guy wanted to warn us... ", muses one of them. They've checked again their analyzers, but nothing dangerous shows in the atmosphere.

"Well", says the matchbook enthusiast, "I am gonna try to light one anyways" and gets out another match. This time a whole tribe of aborigines, led by an impressive-looking chief, appears from behind another boulder. All of them shouting "NO, NO, NO!" and waving their hands, of course. Naturally the astronaut drops the second match too. 

"Could be the ground here contains some flammable materials?", guessed one of the astronauts. "Nah, the ground here looks exactly as at our landing point, and nothing burned there", answered another. So, after a minute or so of mulling, they decide to go ahead with the match experiment. This time the matchbook owner pulls out the third match and decisively lights it. The match burns down to the end, without undue chemical aftereffects. Aborigines, though, issue a collective deep sigh of disappointment, turn and walk away.

"Wait!", calls them the matchbook owner, "why shouldn't we have lighted the match?"

"Because of the Sabbath, you jerk", replies the chief...

(*) Well, what else have you expected? Everyone knows that these days aliens are all bright blue.
(**) And everyone knows they speak perfect English.

Thanks to Y.Z.

6 comments:

jams o donnell said...

Ah would it be better for future space explorers to substitute "Take me to your leader" to "Take me to your Rabbi?"

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Apparently ;)

Michael W. said...

How dare those Jews colonize Mars? They should go back to Europe, those damn Khazar non-semite converts. Free! Free Mars! From the horizon to the stars!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

You mean "Free the Galaxy". Caliphate can't be established in less than that.

Dick Stanley said...

See, the penguins are everywhere, everywhere I tell you!

BTW, it should be Martians. Altho I admit that Marsians is logical...

SnoopyTheGoon said...

That's one big oops, I have to say, and thanks for pointing it out.