17 February 2009

Gau Jal / Cow Water - a new drink for environmentally conscious

Finally a drink that will alleviate at least one problem of the overpopulated world - the water shortage.

Does your Pepsi lack pep? Is your Coke not the real thing? India's Hindu nationalist movement apparently has the answer: a new soft drink made from cow urine.
This initiative has a solid scientific, political, moral and religious backing:
The drink is the latest attempt by the RSS – which was founded in 1925 and now claims eight million members – to cleanse India of foreign influence and promote its ideology of Hindutva, or Hindu-ness.
The drink wouldn't be a simple thirst-quenching liquid:
The RSS claims cow urine can cure ailments ranging from liver disease to obesity and even cancer.
I cannot wait. And I have already a few ideas in support of this venture.

First of all, a draft version of a sticker on the bottle:

(The authors of that picture will be happy to help, I guess)

Then: the snack to go with that drink. I have a capital idea for a cheap source of raw material for the cookies (saltines, maybe) matching the unique taste of Gau Jal. Of course, I am not putting it in writing here for somebody to steal it, no sir!

Now to the needs of the demanding Western market. First of all, the great selling point will obviously be the recycling element of the whole process. Since European and American potential customers don't have an easy access to cows, unless in the form of a steak, a hamburger, etc, a new line of product should be developed immediately: a home brewing kit, just like for beer, but adjusted for processing of human urine instead of the bovine.

The marketing should develop a brochure selling the eco-friendly features of the kit, and I am sure that at least the tree-huggers will swallow this (no pun intended) no questions asked. The second target to attack will be the hypochondriacs - the wondrous medicinal qualities of the drink will practically sell themselves. And then - the rest of them, which is not a lot, after the first two categories are done with.

And the last one: the issue of the name for the drink. It appears that there already is a drink, specifically a wine, coming from Domaine Gaujal de Saint Bon. I understand that this is a completely different drink, at least on the face of it, so the (hopefully unintended) affinity of the names should be resolved as soon as possible.

Way to go, fellas!