Drink your bubbly or die

I am not a teetotaler, far from being so. I am trying to persuade myself that I am not a prude nor a puritan. However, the trend of "rehabilitation" of alcoholic beverages that is palpable for the last ten years or so seems to me a bit, how to say it gently - smelly. First of all some general statements on health advantages of alcohol are issued from time to time:

Research has found that moderate drinking significantly reduces the risk for a number of health problems.

And of course, every national drink is finding its own way to the list of beneficial liquids. Beer, to start with (and nary a nation doesn't produce at least one), was found to have at least 10 (ten!) health benefits, and this is according to a 2007 article. Red wine, of course, barged on the scene, waving the French tricolor, more or less at the same time. And who could remain indifferent to this:

Results of the tests indicated that Cabernet Sauvignon was at the top of the list, with Petit Syrah and Pinot Noir following closely behind.

Car makers could learn something from the crisp and authoritative style of that quote. Scientifically speaking, of course.

Whiskey (or whisky, if you will) didn't hesitate, but being a subtle and nuanced drink, single malt has chosen a subtle approach:

Do you notice that every time you have a lovely, long civilised dinner with a good friend that involves high quality single malt, drunk slowly and with appreciation, at some point during the evening you feel intensely, almost palpably happy?

I did notice, indeed, and practice this kind of happiness at any opportunity. And now to the latest entrant in the politically correct Health Benefits race - champagne:

Research at the Univ. of Reading in the UK suggests that two glasses of Champagne a day may be good for your heart and circulation. The researchers have found that drinking Champagne wine daily in moderate amounts improves the way blood vessels function.

There is more quasi-scientific balderdash in that article. Of course, the article, being short of necessity, doesn't go into details, such as: were student volunteers involved in the project or the research staff heroically offered themselves for the task?; what kind of bubbly was used for the study (I hope that the research grant allowed for the real stuff and not some Albanian plonk)?; were the subsequent burping, hangover and other aftereffects considered? and more...

So, who is next? What drink is not yet reinstated as a bringer of health (tequila is, if you have wondered, albeit in a humble way, and vodka is making some feeble attempts too)? I am waiting with bated breath for the next entrant. There is only so much liquid I can consume per day. Of course, I assume that consuming moderate quantities of several drinks per day (on condition that you don't mix them in one glass) adds up to the count of benefits...

To your good health! Cheers!