26 November 2009

A fairy tale for the kids of Tehran

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a big city called Tehran. Whenever she went out, which was usually to pray, the little girl wore a red praying burqa, so everyone in the city called her Little Red Praying Burqa (LRPB for brevity). So pious was LRPB that not a single toe nor a single hair were visible, and imam-approved red latex gloves covered her hands.

One morning, LRPB asked her mother if she could go to visit her grandmother as it had been awhile since they'd seen each other.

"That's not a good idea," her mother said, "there is a Tehran-wide alert issued by our spiritual father the Grand Ayatollah this morning":

"Families in our neighborhood have been warned that if you go out during the protest...among the enemies of the regime...there might be a chance that Israelis might take you," an elderly man who resides in an impoverished part of Tehran said by telephone last week.
"So, you see, my dearest LRPB, the streets of Tehran are full of big bad Zionist Wolves," said the mother,
"and I can't allow you to put your life in danger. You just wait till the good basijis catch and kill all the wolves and then you shall be free to visit Grandma".

LRPB, however, being of a strong and willful manner, decided to go, mother's words notwithstanding. And - oh mistake of all mistakes - in her hurry to leave the house when her mother was busy in the kitchen, she forgot the holy Qur'an!

To make the long story short, the Zionist Wolf (ZW) learned about LRPB's destination, using the infamous Zionist mind control rays and, a little out of breath from running, arrived at Grandma's and knocked lightly at the door.

"Thanks to Allah you arrived safe, dear! Come in, come in! I was worried sick that something had happened to you on the way," said Grandma thinking that the knock was her granddaughter. ZW let himself in. Poor Granny did not have time to say another word, before ZW gobbled her up!

ZW let out a satisfied burp, and then poked through Granny's wardrobe to find a burqa that he liked. He added a frilly sleeping cap, and for good measure, dabbed some of Granny's perfume behind his pointy ears. A few minutes later, LRPB knocked on the door. ZW jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose.

"Who is it?" he called in a cackly voice.

"It's me, Little Red Praying Burqa."

"Oh how lovely! Do come in, my dear," croaked ZW .

When LRPB entered the little cottage, she could scarcely recognize her Grandmother.

"Grandmother! Your voice sounds so odd. Is something the matter?" she asked.

"Oh, I just have touch of a cold," squeaked ZW adding a cough at the end to prove the point.

"But Grandmother! What big ears you have," said LRPB as she edged closer to the bed.

"The better to hear you with, my dear," replied ZW .

"But Grandmother! What big eyes you have," said LRPB .

"The better to see you with, my dear," replied ZW.

"But Grandmother! Where does this big tail come from?" said LRPB.

"Uh... it's not a tail, my dear," replied ZW, blushing mightily.

"But Grandmother! What big teeth you have," said LRPB, her voice quivering slightly.

"The better to eat you with, my dear," roared ZW and he leapt out of the bed, began to chase the little girl and, eventually, gobbled her up too. Not having the holy book of Qur'an with her, LRPB was defenseless.

It was LRPB's good luck that a group of young basijis was strolling nearby, discussing an especially complicated surah from the holy Qur'an. At the sound of commotion they've broken into the Grandma's house, killed the Zionist Wolf, opened his huge stomach and lo and behold! Both LRPB and her Grandma came out of ZW unharmed and in one piece. Er... it should be "in two pieces", but whatever.

Still, the story didn't end well. Stomach juices of the Zionist Wolf dissolved part of the LRPB's burqa, and lo and behold 2:

And thus the willful and stubborn Little Red Praying Burqa brought shame and infamy to her pure and pious family for ever and ever. Her heartbroken father was forced to leave his job in the Ministry of Poetic Justice and these days sells encyclopedias and holy Qur'an door to door in the rural areas to bring some meager sustenance to the family. The fate of the mother is not for you to learn yet, children.

As for the Little Red Praying Burqa: of course she was stoned by the Grand Ayatollah himself and seven of his closest lieutenants. Meaning Ayatollahs.

I hope the lesson to be learned from the tale is clear, dear children: never leave your house without a spare burqa and never even dream about going somewhere without an escort of a basiji or two.

Capisce?

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

add stropin_el@yahoo.com

snoopythegoon said...

Add where? And for what?

ss said...

u r sexy

snoopythegoon said...

You don't know half of it, ss :*

Brata said...

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SS said...

People who say "Death to Israel" do that because they think that world would have been better if sionist didn't steal a territory just because god gave it to them thousands of yars ago .

I see you like abreviations, i have a good one for you: SS = sionist soldier.

You just don't know what you're talking about. At least try to inform you before writing stupid things.

snoopythegoon said...

"SS = sionist soldier" - I like that. Have to straighten a few kinks with Engrish, though... but fine, we'll manage.

Dick Stanley said...

Whoa, getting some real diversity here, I see.

snoopythegoon said...

Uhu... we welcome all kinds. In a way, that is.

balta.lapa said...

This sucks... not enough nudity. :(

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Oh well, you can always look for it over there:

------------->

Anonymous said...

<p><span><span>"Iranian regime that did not oppresses people hard enough"? I need me some vodka with this one. What do you drink, anonymous? And who is going to achieve that "secularity", specifically? The regime or the people? Oh boy..."</span></span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span><span>Well<span>  </span>no , think about it snoopy. I meant <span> </span>the <span> </span>U.S crazed governors ( that are bribed and controlled by corporations of course ) are not happy with Iranian regime .</span></span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span><span>Or are they happy<span>  </span>? Am I totally wrong on this matter ?</span></span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span>Ahamdinejad is trying so hard to please those <span> </span>U.S neoliberal and neoconservative <span> </span>nutbags <span> </span>.Am I not right ? Ha snoopy ? I must be right .</span>
</p>

Anonymous said...

<span><span>   </span></span>
<span><span>Theocrats do not like to achieve secularity . So, logically secularity has to be achieved by people . I mentioned  Iran is a <span> </span>theocracy <span> </span><span> </span>, so I did not expect you to become confused about whose is going to achieve secularity , oh boy … . </span></span>

Anonymous said...

<p><span> </span>
</p><p><span><span>I think Mohamed was a rational man who pretended to be <span> </span>a prophet but Moses thought he was a prophet and there was no pretension <span> </span>on his part .</span></span></p>

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I haven't had the pleasure of meeting these two, so your expert opinion is noted.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I guess you are happy with Iranian regime. So don't worry your head, be happy.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

<span><span>"Theocrats do not like to achieve secularity." </span></span>

This is what makes it even more exciting when they do, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

<span>I mean snoopy, if a person has this <span> </span>right to call Mohammad mad  and make fun of Muslims, anyone else must  be allowed to mock Judaism and <span> </span>Christianity<span>  </span>and to make fun of Jews and Christians <span> </span> as well. <span> </span>The person must not be labeled as anti-Semitic etc .. . If not ? Does not that make you a hypocrite?</span>
<span><span>Is this right? <span> </span>Is mocking people’ religious beliefs right or can it make people less religious or turn them to actual atheists ? </span></span>
<p><span>Why are you <span> </span>calling Mohamed mad ?</span>
</p><p><span><span>I return your answer to yourself Have you ever <span> </span>met this person or so ?so your expert opinion is noted !</span></span>
</p>

Anonymous said...

bye my love

SnoopyTheGoon said...

<span><span>Is mocking people’ religious beliefs righ? Absolutely.</span></span>

I don't remember calling Mohamed mad. Although, if you wish, I could do so. You probably mean Mahmoud the Mad, but he is not Mohammed. Not yet at least.

Anonymous said...

<span><span>I have one more question and then  I'' leave .</span></span>
<span><span>My question is not that whether one should be allowed to express her opinion about religon. My question was more about if it right to mock a person's religion to achieve a political purpose or so?</span></span>
<span><span>For example, Imagine a Jewish person is being mocked  in order to justify torturing , killing and abduction of their properties . Is this right?</span></span>
<span>You know because I think it is absurd to mock a person's religious belief in order to advocate secularity or to modify people <span> </span>view about their religion . So , I think it is rational to think of it as a tool to achieve political and economical purposes .</span>
<span><span>Take me seriously .</span></span>
<p><span> </span>
</p>

SnoopyTheGoon said...

<span><span>A person is being mocked  in order to justify torturing , killing and abduction of their properties?</span></span>

I am afraid you are going too deep now. If a race is being mocked, it's called racism. If a religion is being mocked, it's called enlightenment.  Two different things entirely.

Anonymous said...

<span><span>Sorry I' ll have to add something , then I'll get disappeared into thin air as you wish . Human races do not exist . It does not have a scientific base .</span></span>
<span><span>It is a common  misconception among people of 1960’s <span> </span>and arguing with them to make them realized that human races do not exist is just useless .</span></span>
<span><span> </span></span>
<span><span>Another thing is that for example Jews in the age of enlightenment reached to the point that they , themselves start challenging some aspects of their religion . The same goes with Christianity in Europe .</span></span>
<span><span>Unfortunately due to colorizations and hindrance in the development of means of production, enlightenment did not happen in developing countries .</span></span>
<span><span>Capisce? </span></span>
<p><span> </span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p>

Anonymous said...

<p><span>Colonization </span></p>

SnoopyTheGoon said...

OK. OK. whatever, now do as promised.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Meaning problems with your colon?

Anonymous said...

<span>No , Meaning problems with your colon might  cause problem with my colon .</span>

Anonymous said...

Ok , I'll do as I promised . are you angry ?

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Nope. Bored.

Anonymous said...

If you like I can freshen you up ?

Shira said...

this post is rather old but since reading it before I got to the comments reminded me of bored muslims teens making fun of Jews, I have this to say:
I think everyone should make fun of everyone, maybe that way everyone would stop being uptight jerks all the time.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

The problem, Shira, is that some uptight jerks don't take kindly to being laughed at.

Shira said...

so we just have to laugh harder faster and stronger

SnoopyTheGoon said...

That we have to, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Love it!